Set Up
by Alania Black
Summary: November Challenge Month day 27: Sirius tries to set Remus up, Remus resists, James and Lily sort things out


Last year it was The Official Unwritten Slash Month, this year it's the Official Challenge Month. The similarities? A month of fics by one author. The difference? This time, YOU are in control.

Each fic will be written based on a challenge. This can be any type of challenge, from a single word to a full-blown challenge. The rules are simple, they must be Harry Potter and they must be slash. So get involved, get reviewing and together we'll make November the Challenge Month.

(Challenges can be submitted via Reviews, or, preferably, emails until the Fanfiction messages service starts to work. If your submission is anonymous, please leave an email address so I can contact you if I chose to write your fic, this address will also be kept private.)

Challenge: Sirius keeps setting Remus up. Remus keeps resisting. James and Lily and James set things right; from Sivaroobini Lupin-Black.

Set Up

Remus groaned in frustration, banging his head against the desk and whimpering quietly. James looked up, startled, before he looked in the direction Remus was facing. He saw what Remus had obviously just been looking at and gave a small, wicked grin.

"Another one, Remus? Really, it's like he's worked his way around the entire Sixth Year! What's next, Seventh Year? I wouldn't be surprised if he tried for Lily next."

"He's not that insane yet, especially since you have somehow managed to hold onto her for an entire month. Why is he doing this to me, James? I went SIX YEARS without a girlfriend, and now suddenly he declares I MUST have one, even if it kills him?"

By the look of you right now, I'm willing to bet it will kill him." James joked, patting his shoulder in commiseration. "That's got to be, what, the fourth girl he's tried to set you up with since we got back? Four girlfriends in six weeks isn't bad, you know."

"Oh what would you know?" Remus sneered, "You've had one girlfriend in two years!"

"Ah, yes, but Moony my dear, I was in love, and therefore off limits to all but the woman of my dreams."

"And him! He hasn't had a single date since we got back from Summer! Why is he insisting that I have to get a date then?"

"Maybe, just maybe, it's because you're now officially the oldest virgin in Hogwarts?" James suggested, loving the flush that always rose to Remus' cheeks when he was reminded of his lamentable state of virginity.

"Well, you would know! Between the two of you, you probably de-virginised half the female population yourselves!"

"Are you calling me some kind of a pervert, Moony? As you kindly pointed out, I was fifteen in the event of my last date. Half the population, therefore, were less than thirteen years old!"

"Piss off." Remus growled, packing his things to flee to the Dorms before Sirius and whichever girl he had managed to persuade into dating him this time corned him. "Maybe I should tell him I'm gay, then he might leave me alone." Remus grumbled.

"Nah, he'd just start setting you up with guys instead."

"There's no gay guys here!"

"Will be once Sirius gets to them." James predicted confidently. Remus whimpered and fled.

BREAK

"James, have you seen Moony? I have a lovely lady right over there who would be quite happy to take him on a date, and he's just vanished on me."

"Perhaps because you have a lady who would date him currently in your possession?" James suggested brightly.

"Why would he run away?" Sirius asked forlornly.

"Sirius, in case it escaped your notice, Remus hasn't exactly been... Ah... receptive to the idea of getting a girlfriend."

"He's just not met the right bird yet."

"Or maybe he has, but you haven't found that person yet?" James replied suggestively, trying to give Sirius a hint. Which Sirius completely missed.

"If he's found the right bird, why hasn't he asked her out?"

"Maybe he doesn't think the person would go out with him?"

"Oh no, it's not Lily is it?" Sirius gasped, looking wounded and sorry for James.

"What isn't me?" A bright voce piped up from behind Sirius. James sent a prayer of thanks to whichever God or Demon was listening at the time.

"Sirius thinks Remus fancies you."

"Me? I don't think I'm exactly Remus' type!" Lily joked, laughing lightly. James smiled blissfully.

"Oh sod it Lils, I'll never get anything coherent out of him while you're here." Sirius grumbled, stalking off.

"Lily, what are we going to do? It's painfully obvious who Remus fancies... If only Sirius would open his eyes. I mean, Remus near as enough admitted to being gay a minute ago!" Lily sat on his lap, kissing him quickly.

"Hello, love, nice to see you too. Now, here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to tell Sirius I think I know exactly who Remus would like to go out with, and you're going to get Remus down here in exactly ten minutes. Sirius wouldn't believe it if you told him outright, and Remus won't admit it unless he's pushed."

"So... You're going to push?"

"I'm going to push. Then I'm going to slap Sirius for being blind, Remus for being dumb, and take you upstairs and show you why dating girls is so much more fun for you."

"... I love your plans." James murmured reverently.

BREAK

"Sirius! I've got it. I know exactly who to set Remus up with. Forget the girl!" Sirius looked blankly at her, looked around suspiciously, looked back and her, and finally spoke.

"Where's James?"

"He's getting Remus out of the Dorms, come on, we don't have much time! I know exactly who to set Remus up with."

"Who?"

"Amos!"

"Amos... Diggory? The male Amos Diggory?!"

"Well, yes. I think he's cute!"

"You're a girl! Of course you'd think he's cute! Remus is a bloke!"

"James, why do I have to come to the Common Room?"

"Because Lily said so, now move it!"

"Remus!" Sirius cried, bouncing over and pulling him out of James' hold. "Lily's saying the strangest things. She think's you're gay!" Remus blushed. He opened his mouth to speak, closed it, and blushed harder. "Remus, tell her she's wrong!"

"She's... She's not wrong..." Remus mumbled faintly, unable to lie directly to Sirius' face.

"You're gay?" Sirius asked blankly, not even noticing James and Lily back out of the room.

"I'm... I'm gay, yes."

"Well why didn't you say so! Here I've been setting you up with girls all year and it's a guy you need! You'd have saved me so much stress you know! It'll be so much easier now!" Remus whimpered and banged his head against the conveniently close wall. "Remus, Remus stop that!"

"I knew it. I knew that you'd start trying to set me up with blokes the moment I came out! This is why I didn't, I'd be the most well-known gay guy in the whole school within a day!"

"Remus, I'm dissapointed in you." Sirius pouted. "You need to get laid, and you need to get a boyfriend. You shouldn't be rejecting my help!" Remus sighed and decided to go for the serious approach. He took a very deep breath before looking directly into Sirius' eyes, making him understand how sincere he was.

"Sirius, listen to me. I came out to myself less than a year ago. I'm still trying to deal with it, and I have no desire to have others to deal with as well. On top of that, there is only one man in this school I'd trust with my emotions enough to go out with, and certainly only one man I'd trust enough to give my virginity to, and he's very, painfully, absolutely and irrevocably straight. So I'm perfectly happy to be the oldest virgin in England, Wales, Ireland and Scotland until such time as I meet a man I trust and love even half as much as him, and I very much doubt it would be one of the floozies you manage to find around this place. So stop trying to set me up."

Sirius smiled sadly, tremulously, in a moment of complete sincerity. "Remus, why didn't you just tell me you were in love. I know love, you don't mess with it." He sighed softly. "Okay, I'll stop trying to set you up, but listen, you're not the only gay man in Hogwarts, okay? I mean, even straight guys would be willing to try it for the right guy, you know? And you're certainly sweet and attractive enough to be that guy for most men. Don't give up, okay. Unless, I mean, you didn't tell him did you?"

"Well, no..."

"So? Tell him, see if he'd be willing to have a go. People can surprise you Remus." Remus smiled, despite a little frown.

"Yeah, I guess they can." He murmured. He glanced up at Sirius carefully. "So you think I should try it? I mean, what would I say?"

"How's about, "listen, mate, I really like you, and I was wondering if you'd be willing to go on a date with me some time." I mean, you don't want to get too heavy with the emotional stuff, and if you think he's straight, then mentioning the sex outright would probably scare him off..."

"Right, right." Remus paused, took another deep breath and wondered vaguely, if he took to many of those, would he faint? "Okay... Listen, Sirius... I... I really like you... And... And I was wondering if you'd like to go on a date with me sometime?" The last little part came out in a rush, Remus squeezing his eyes closed in terror as he realised what, exactly, he'd just said.

"Did you just..."

"Ask you out? I... I think so..." Remus whispered. He gasped as he was drawn into a tight hug, a filthy voice cuckling in his ear.

"Remus... Whoever said I was straight?" He growled, pulling back and looking at Remus in a way that made sure he knew exactly what Sirius was going to do before he leaned down and kissed him.

"Oh... Oh! You're... You're not straight!" Sirius chuckled again.

"Does that feel straight to you?" He asked in a dark innuendo, pushing his hard crotch into Remus' thigh. Remus squeaked a little, murmuring happily as Sirius kissed him again.

On the staircase, James and Lily gave each other a congratulatory high-five, before Lily murmured in his ear. "I believe I promised you some proof that boys were better than girls?"

"God I love you!" James whispered joyfully, chasing her up the stairs and leaving his two friends kissing deeply in the Common Room.


End file.
